黄西白宫脱口秀|黄西：从一个中国留学生到为美国总统说幽默相声（附视频&演讲稿）
英语演讲君有话说
一个中国人，操着中国式的英语当着美国副总统的面调侃美国政治，对奥巴马冷嘲热讽。副总统哑口无言只能赔笑，这种高端黑色幽默，讽刺不带脏字引爆在场所有美国社会精英人士。
黄西2010年美国记者年会演讲稿（中英文）
My name is Joe Wong. But to most , I am known as “Who?” which is my ’s name, and the to my card .
开场先是自嘲下自己默默无闻不为所知，然后利用中英文谐音，再联系到信用卡密码保护，因为网上注册时 选择用于取回密码的验证问题里，最常见的就是妈妈的姓氏是什么。
aside, I want to you that I am here .
因为前一阵子白宫举行一个活动，美国一对夫妻混过白宫层层保安黄西白宫脱口秀，装作是白宫邀请的贵宾，还跟这些政客 合影留念并发到网上，其中就有坐在边上的副总统Joe Biden，被曝光后，在美国引起很大争议，白宫的安保问题被质疑。
I grew up in China. Who didn’t?
我在中国长大，谁不是呢？装作无知，认为每个人都是中国人，暗讽了一些美国人的自大，以为世界就是美国。
Most of my are by my . When I was in , as part of the , I at a rice paddy next to a where they use to break rocks. That’s where I that light than sound, which is as slow as a rock.
主要是用生动而夸张的语言形容小时候生活环境的恶劣，光速比声速快，后者跟石头飞散的速度差不多，就 是远处一道闪光，几秒后隆隆爆炸声伴着小石子飞溅过来。
另外提到rice paddy，呼应后文自己在rice 读phd。
My dad was a guy. But he tried to cheer me up with jokes. When I was 7 he said to me, “Son, why is tofu than ?” 5 later, I said, “Why?” He said, “ I said so!”
形容父亲脾气暴躁，毫无逻辑，颐指气使。5分钟后是笑点，如此荒谬的问题还想了那么久。这两段就是夸 张描述下自己的童年，因为跟美国人的经历完全不同，观众会因为新鲜荒谬而发笑。
In 1994, I came to the to study at Rice in Texas, that wasn’t a joke, until now. I was this used car with a lot of that are to peel off. And one of them said, “If you don’t speak , go home!” And I didn’t it for two years.that wasn’t a joke, until now.
这句是临场发挥，效果很好，因为前面提到rice paddy，所以强调一下这个不是笑话，是真的。 这个牌子的内容和所用的语言本身的矛盾是一个笑点。
We my son to the . We try to make him speak at home and in . I had to say to him in , “If you don’t speak , go home!” He said, “Why do I have to learn two ?” I said, “When you the , you will have to sign bills in , and talk to debt in !”
此处用到了刚才上的话；间接表达了中国是美国的债权国，属于常用技 巧：政治时事热点就那么几条，关键是能够委婉间接的通过不同的段子说到这个点上。
After I from Rice, I to stay in the US in China I can’t do the thing I do best here, being . In order to a , we had to take with like: Who’s ? We were like, “Ahh.., the our store gets ?” What’s the ? We were like, “Ahh.., the our store gets ?” What is Roe vs Wade? We went, “Ahh…, two ways of to the US?”
我在中国有件事肯定不如在美国，那就是民族性。用同一个答案回答了两个美国历史问题，非常有笑果，用 移民的角度“误解”美国的著名堕胎案判例，是一般美国人无法想象的视角。
Later I read a lot about . So much so that I to feel white guilt. In , all men are equal, but after birth, it on their ’ for early and .
这段看上去很诡异，作为一个黄色人种，怎么会有这种优越感，去产生white guilt，实际上在为后面跟总统比做铺垫。
I read on Men’s that Obama every week has two days and 4 days. I don’t have to I have . I live in where we had and then Scott Brown. Talk about mixed ! I think there was a movie about him. It’s “Kill Bill”
这段是一种很微妙的搞笑，如果奥巴马那天不是临时有事，在边上坐着的话会很有意思。kill bill的bill不是指克林顿，应该指法案。Scott Brown是共和党人，刚当选麻省议员，反对全民医保。所以说他kill bill “扼杀了（医保）法案”。
We have Mr. vice Joe Biden here . I have read your and today I see you. I think the book is much . They have cast Brad Pitt, or Jolie.
美国政客是要被随时拿来开涮的，其他的讽刺起来比黄西狠得多。这里提到皮特和朱莉可 以做两种解释:一是自传的文字都可以用来形容明星了，二是若将自传拍成电影的话得请他俩来出演才够格。
We have many here whom I as peers. I once wrote for the . is the last for puns. Only in a can I say, “I was born in the year of the horse, that’s why I’m a neigh-sayer (nay-sayer)” ,my point .
马叫声英文是neigh，neigh-sayer就是发出马叫声的人，谐音nay-sayer脱口秀演员，后者 是总说反对意见，投反对票的人，na这个词y常用在现场口头投票，如果反对，一般说nay，不说no。在座很多记者，我认为是我的同行，还有上面的自炫比 奥巴马优越，因为不用健身，都是一种比较难解释很微妙的幽默，可以理解为对那些自我感觉良好的人的一种讽刺。
my point ，这正是我想说的，是用这个蹩脚的双关来解释共和党近一年来的表现：对奥巴马的几乎所有提案都持反对票，同时讽刺一下他们的动机：就是为了 反对而反对。
This is my first time on CSPAN, a I watch when I ’t the and of PBS and QVC. If I still ’t go to sleep after CSPAN, there are and 3!
PBS有点类似中国的中央电视台，弘扬主旋律为主，QVC是电视购物频道，所以说这俩的审查和煽动性 比较强。明知自己的演讲时CSPAN在直播，但还讽刺一下这个电视台，美国人很喜欢这么干。CSPAN相当于美国国会的监控录像，全天直播国会的各种会议，听证，刚开始看了新鲜，时间长了就很无聊。
I was just to be to ’s event. I the White House my jokes about the , and that’s when Obama not to come and the . Take that ! Obama has been of being too soft. But he was two wars and they still gave him the Nobel peace prize, and he it. You can’t get more bad-ass than that! The only way you can be more bad-ass than is that if you took the peace prize money and gave it to the .
奥巴马没到，但也没忘调侃一下他，反衬自己写的那几个笑话的威力。提到 ，因为几年前的记者招待会，他当着bush的面羞辱了bush，那次bush脸色很难看，劳拉甚至骂了粗口，但就是当面很尴尬而已，而我把 奥巴马吓得都不敢来了，还开始考虑是否该让这些移民来到美国。take that 相当于说：怎么样 ，我比你牛X吧。
I a US in 2008. Thank you! is one! That’s true! We won the World every year!
讽刺了美国国内的各种职业联赛冠军头衔都叫World 。
After the U.S. , I to vote for Obama/Biden. (Turn and face Biden) You are . You had me at “Yes we can” That was their .
当众邀功奥巴马和拜登的当选，You had me那句是指，你们的那句Yes we can打动了我。
After them , I felt this power trip and to think maybe I run for . I have to a here. I had been kind of a and guy. I feel that life is like into the snow in a dark night. You made a , but it’s hard to tell. Now we have a who is half black half white. That just gives me so much hope I am half not black half not white. Two make a .
Two make a ，负负得正，joe在其他节目里还说过下一句的，这次没说出来，就是two make a legal，指只要在美国境内出生就自动获得美国国籍，无论父母身份。
So my , you may be what is your ? You see, I spent 10 years in the past . You too? I that are . My will be, “Who cares!”
这个who cares是经典，用了一开始说的话，可以理解为hu cares，也就是我关心大家的疾苦，同时who cares这个意思也讽刺了一下美国竞选的本质，宣传口号是口号，当选了也许就不那么关注老百姓的感受了。
网上很多人说这个who也指hu主席，我觉得没有这层意思，就是 我在乎V.S. 谁tm在乎呢
If , I would make same sex not only legal, but , that would get me the youth vote. You see that I am now, but I used to be about . I was like:”Wow! 50% of all end up !”
同性婚姻问题是政治热点。一半的婚姻是要持续一生的，正常思维是担心两个人会离婚，这里反向思维，颇有笑果。
I will by the of so that two have to do the job of one, just like the vice and the , the Olson twins.
不断地调侃总统副总统。Olson twins是著名双胞胎，童星。曾经两人演一个角色，在《full house》里。
heart and , most die from . If , I will find a cure for . It may not be by of pre- .
如果当选，我将找到治疗自然死亡的方法，讽刺一下美国总统的大选的诸多空头承诺，很多不可能实现的。 pre- 是指购买医疗保险前的身体状况，保险公司会相应的拒保或者提高保费。
I have a quick for . I will from to . It was 100 and now it’s 40! You are ! I’m great at I’m from China and I can see from my .
无厘头的解决全球变暖方法。最后一句是08年美国的经典段子，麦凯恩搭档，阿拉斯加女州长佩林接受采 访被问到有什么外交经验时，说了类似的话，但不是原句。后来经喜剧女王Tina Fey在SNL上模仿调侃，这句成为经典。
On . I that is too ; open is too slow. If , I will go with text . I’ll text our just to say hi; and text our when they are . “OMG you are ! But U R doing it wrong, LOL!”
I would like to thank Radio and TV ’ for such an honor! This is the first time I wish my 3 year old son knew what I was doing.
最后感谢提到自己的儿子，很温馨。
美国人是这样形容他的他的脱口秀完全不同于美国的黑人和白人的口水滔滔，而有另外一种喜剧的魅力—全部是最简单的字词黄西白宫脱口秀，配合以木讷的表情和僵硬的动作，讲那种需要动脑筋才能理解的冷幽默。最别致的是，他是采取停顿和沉默来控制观众，让他们在这个间歇想明白笑话的意思，或者这种无言的沉默本身也成为了表演的一部分。人们为了沉默而大笑，这是喜剧大师才有的能力。
黄西，曾在中国科学院攻读硕士，后获得德克萨斯州莱斯大学博士学位一年一度喜剧大赛，全职工作从事科学研究。2009年4月17日晚上，美国深夜节目收视率冠军的“大卫莱特曼秀”破天荒邀请中国口音极重的黄西亮相，以英语讲美式笑话，近6分钟的演出，随后，黄西也被邀请登上了“艾伦秀”，两次的精彩舞台演绎让美国观众反应热烈。2010年3月，他作为首位在美国白宫说相声的华裔，让黄西一炮而红黄西白宫脱口秀|黄西：从一个中国留学生到为美国总统说幽默相声（附视频&演讲稿），美名享誉全球，也被称为喜剧界姚明！
以下为英语演讲君整理的黄西博士在“大卫莱特曼秀”和“艾伦秀”的演出视频：
黄西博士在“大卫莱特曼秀”的演出
黄西博士在“艾伦秀”的演出
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